It'S a LittLe BiT FuNnY

[ Tuesday, April 08, 2003 ]

 
Love

I was laying in bed with my baby, trying to get some sleep. The longer I laid there, the more thoughts came through my head...so finally I decided to get up and write. Sarah leaves on Saturday for the beach, and it's so weird, she's not even gone yet and part of me is missing her...I know maybe it's bad to depend on someone so much for something as simple as air..and yet..I don't want her to leave. I want her to be right here with me where I know she's safe..where I feel safe...It's weird since we started hanging out, before the dating took place, there's been hardly a day that we haven't been together..a weekend at the longest..I've never knew love could feel like this..it's strange..I've been in love before and I had a bond with J that I never thought I could have with anyone else, we still have that bond, but it was still so different...I loved him to death, I still do, but with Sarah, I'm..complete...We have a bond too..not to say it's better than the one I had before, but it's so different...When she breathes, I breathe, when she hurts I hurt...it's like all the things I've wished I could change or make better in me, she is...So many people say it's wrong..but I don't think they'll ever really know how we feel about each other...she's my world in a way that's so different...I just want to protect her..We can't even fight, lol..sure we spat every now and then but even then..it hurts so much..I could never say anything mean to her and if she even raises her voice at me she's so upset..I just can't hurt her, and she tries so hard not to hurt me..Like some relationships thrive on trust and honesty, some on sex, some on family..but with us, it's just love..a love so blind and so true. There are no secrets, no games...we can be perfectly content just holding each other and doing nothing else all day long..We can't even sleep well if we're not together..when I turn, she turns with me and all night we'll just hold each other..it's magical..She's magical...it's like everything that's happened between us was supposed to happen...like we were meant to be and didn't even know it...We always laugh at how we knew each other for over a year and never once hung out or anything..who knew that someone you could end up being so close and intimate with could be sitting a couple feet away from you forever and you hardly noticed..We joked around, and we flirted..which was kind of weird being that I knew she wasn't straight and I still thought I was..lol...She would always check me out when I walked by her desk, lol. One time i caught her though..it was funny how fast she flew back into her cubicle, lol, and flattering...I'd walked by and play with her hair and just make small talk..it's crazy to think of all of that now...It's crazy how you can be totally sprung for someone and not even realize it, lol. Like right now I know several people who I could have a successful relationship with..even be happy..and with those people everyone would be happy for me..they'd say "that's how it's supposed to be"--but not me..I could never feel like that.. Yes, she's white. I'm black. She's a girl. I'm a girl. But we're so in love..so happy..everyone says it's wrong but gosh--it feels so right. I'd give her anything, I'd do anything for her. She's my Sarah, my heart, my baby...Desi and Tash both says she wears the pants, lol, but that's okay...I give her my all, but she gives her all to me..I say that's pretty equal..If I need anything, she's right there whether it's a kiss or a hug..I don't need anything material..she gives me so much..when I feel like giving up, she won't let me..she's my inspiration to do better and be a better person..Sure I stress and get depressed as hell sometimes, but I don't know how I'd get through it sometimes without her goofy little laugh and those bright green eyes...Love..it scares the hell out of me..but how could I deny it..It even frustrates me sometimes because no matter if I wanted it or not, it's there..When we get so frustrated with each other that we want to give up we can't..it won't let us...It's crazy this thing we call love..crazy...

She's doing a lot of tossin and turnin now--she must be missin me ;o)--so I better go back to bed..
Lady CeCe [3:25 AM]