It'S a LittLe BiT FuNnY

[ Saturday, September 20, 2003 ]

 
I'm baaaaaack!!!
It's been forever since I've written but things in TinkNBug world haven't changed that much. We're finally out in the open with our relationship with my family. A lot of drama ensued and we live ten hours away now, but I can at least stop living in a lie. Denying who you are to others is denying who you are to yourself. A lot of bad came out of it and it ruined my relationship with some members of my family (and friends), but I can't say I regret it. I am who I am, that's ok with me. I miss my Bug now, she's at work. I'm gonna have dinner ready when she gets home and surprise her. I'm trying to think of what to get her for our anniversary next month. Any suggestions? I also need suggestions on Christmas gifts. But I gotta run for now, maybe I'll write again tonight..if not, there's always tomorrow...MWAH!
Lady CeCe [5:29 PM]

 

Lady CeCe [5:22 PM]

[ Tuesday, April 08, 2003 ]

 
Love

I was laying in bed with my baby, trying to get some sleep. The longer I laid there, the more thoughts came through my head...so finally I decided to get up and write. Sarah leaves on Saturday for the beach, and it's so weird, she's not even gone yet and part of me is missing her...I know maybe it's bad to depend on someone so much for something as simple as air..and yet..I don't want her to leave. I want her to be right here with me where I know she's safe..where I feel safe...It's weird since we started hanging out, before the dating took place, there's been hardly a day that we haven't been together..a weekend at the longest..I've never knew love could feel like this..it's strange..I've been in love before and I had a bond with J that I never thought I could have with anyone else, we still have that bond, but it was still so different...I loved him to death, I still do, but with Sarah, I'm..complete...We have a bond too..not to say it's better than the one I had before, but it's so different...When she breathes, I breathe, when she hurts I hurt...it's like all the things I've wished I could change or make better in me, she is...So many people say it's wrong..but I don't think they'll ever really know how we feel about each other...she's my world in a way that's so different...I just want to protect her..We can't even fight, lol..sure we spat every now and then but even then..it hurts so much..I could never say anything mean to her and if she even raises her voice at me she's so upset..I just can't hurt her, and she tries so hard not to hurt me..Like some relationships thrive on trust and honesty, some on sex, some on family..but with us, it's just love..a love so blind and so true. There are no secrets, no games...we can be perfectly content just holding each other and doing nothing else all day long..We can't even sleep well if we're not together..when I turn, she turns with me and all night we'll just hold each other..it's magical..She's magical...it's like everything that's happened between us was supposed to happen...like we were meant to be and didn't even know it...We always laugh at how we knew each other for over a year and never once hung out or anything..who knew that someone you could end up being so close and intimate with could be sitting a couple feet away from you forever and you hardly noticed..We joked around, and we flirted..which was kind of weird being that I knew she wasn't straight and I still thought I was..lol...She would always check me out when I walked by her desk, lol. One time i caught her though..it was funny how fast she flew back into her cubicle, lol, and flattering...I'd walked by and play with her hair and just make small talk..it's crazy to think of all of that now...It's crazy how you can be totally sprung for someone and not even realize it, lol. Like right now I know several people who I could have a successful relationship with..even be happy..and with those people everyone would be happy for me..they'd say "that's how it's supposed to be"--but not me..I could never feel like that.. Yes, she's white. I'm black. She's a girl. I'm a girl. But we're so in love..so happy..everyone says it's wrong but gosh--it feels so right. I'd give her anything, I'd do anything for her. She's my Sarah, my heart, my baby...Desi and Tash both says she wears the pants, lol, but that's okay...I give her my all, but she gives her all to me..I say that's pretty equal..If I need anything, she's right there whether it's a kiss or a hug..I don't need anything material..she gives me so much..when I feel like giving up, she won't let me..she's my inspiration to do better and be a better person..Sure I stress and get depressed as hell sometimes, but I don't know how I'd get through it sometimes without her goofy little laugh and those bright green eyes...Love..it scares the hell out of me..but how could I deny it..It even frustrates me sometimes because no matter if I wanted it or not, it's there..When we get so frustrated with each other that we want to give up we can't..it won't let us...It's crazy this thing we call love..crazy...

She's doing a lot of tossin and turnin now--she must be missin me ;o)--so I better go back to bed..
Lady CeCe [3:25 AM]

[ Monday, March 31, 2003 ]

 
Another day Another life

Isn't it odd how quickly life can just do a complete 180 and no one notices it but you...Like when you wonder if love is just a game or if it really exists..or when you wonder if you're really the person you think you are, or if you're the person they think you are...It's no wonder you're so misunderstood...and then you wonder if you even understand yourself...You ask yourself what your purpose is here and wonder if you'll fulfill it b4 you manage to screw everyone's life up...Then you wonder if there's even a point of getting attached to people, you'd think the ones who know you the best should understand you the most...Then you stop thinking and realize that maybe being alone is in your best interest or in the best interest of others at least..you try so hard not to hurt people...but keep getting hurt over and over and over...No one should feel as if their presence in the world is..empty...but yet you feel so empty inside...You wonder how you got to be the way you are..and you hate yourself for it..for being selfish at times and too giving at others..You wonder if you'll ever do anything right, if you'll ever really make anyone happy...and just when you think life can't get any better boom somethings happens that throws your whole world out of whack...You hate yourself more and more everyday, you'd say you want to die but know you're already dying inside...You wonder how on earth this play keeps going on and on...and then realize hehe the jokes on you...I always say if a person wants to be happy they will be and if they want to be miserable they will be...but what about those people who try sooo hard and never get farther than they started...You wonder if you should just go back to the way things used to be and forget about the things you have now...no one seems to really care but you anyways...Then you ask yourself if you're feeling sorry for yourself or if that's how you really feel...you wonder how no one seems to notice what's really going on in your world..if anyone notices how much you're starting to dread everything and slip into a deep deep depression..and you don't notice too much yourself except for those instances when it just hits you and takes your breath away..you can't breathe and as you gasp for air everyone just smiles and makes small talk and act as if they care...and you're lost, you don't know who you are or where you're going..you're just...scared...
Lady CeCe [2:48 AM]

[ Sunday, March 16, 2003 ]

 
Just Another Day

Friday, I went to Alexandria to see Sarah's family, while I was there someone had broke into my room and broke my keyboard and yada yada yada...Well, I forgave that someone after he admitted to it and apologized as always...Next day (yesterday), I'm getting ready for school in the bathroom, someone goes into my room and steals my cell phone and traded it with someone else for their cell phone (they had already done the same thing with my Playstation 2). I couldn't take anymore, I couldn't keep forgiving so again I confront him about it. We've been best friends my whole life, he's my baby brother, just an ignorant 23 years of age. Now I'm holding an ice pack on my mouth in hopes that the swelling of my lip will go down before I have to go to work. Why do I even try, what's the point, and why the hell do I feel so bad about it?
Lady CeCe [11:33 AM]

[ Wednesday, February 12, 2003 ]

 
Silly Thoughts

Okay, I asked my baby a really stupid question today, I was like "baby, could a girl drown if she went down on another girl in the shower". I didn't think it was such a stupid question until I saw the look on her face...she was nice about it though and just said "no honey" That's another reason why I love her so much ;o)
Lady CeCe [10:13 PM]

[ Thursday, February 06, 2003 ]

 
Not Again

So, most of my friends know that some of my friends have screwed at least one or so of my brothers, common knowledge, right? Well, I kinda thought that was a thing of the past being that all of my friends that come over my house know that that's a no-no. Crawford hormones strike again..dun dun dun...turns out that one of my closest friends screwed my little brother a couple months ago and never said anything to me about it. She did manage however to tell some of our mutual friends (including my girl) and said she didn't want me to know cuz I'd be mad at her. Okay, now grown folks are gonna do whatever, if she would have told me I would have been like, Welcome to the family (if I were in a good mood) or Join the club (bad mood). But it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. It's not really a big deal now, but it does burn me just a bit being that they've like openly discussed it in front of me at work several times and I totally didn't catch on. But to add insult to injury they did it at my house!!!! She gave him head on my couch, and f*cked him on my living room floor. That's sick, I feel I totally have a right to be a bit more than agitated, but I don't know....We'll see how it goes when I talk to her about it...
Lady CeCe [11:40 AM]

[ Tuesday, February 04, 2003 ]

 
What The Fu*K

Did anyone know girls could like "eject" their stuff like guys when they orgasm?
Lady CeCe [5:45 PM]